woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
