dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
