last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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