so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
