Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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