i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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