No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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