just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
