bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
