I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
