well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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