i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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