I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
jump out the window naked night went bad
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
