absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I need water and some morals
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
