He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize