ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
