i just wanna soil my oats bro
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
