hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
