An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
