an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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