Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Found the puke drawer
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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