Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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