How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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