Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
