I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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