just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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