For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
