There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
