I smell stomach acid.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
