ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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