ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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