it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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