I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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