If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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