Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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