just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
