I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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