Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
