We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
