Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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