One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
