Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
