South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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