either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
