he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
