and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
