you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
