I need to stop coming to work sober
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
