cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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