He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
