who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize