): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
