hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
