But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
