Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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