Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
