when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
