In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize