you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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