I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
