Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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