i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
