My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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