one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
