I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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