If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
