i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
