Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
