Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
