so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
