I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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