giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
