I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
