the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
