I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
