Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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