dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize