Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
