And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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