What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize