dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
