i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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