Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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