im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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