after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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