it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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