i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
