This dress was meant to end up on your floor
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
