dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
