He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
where are you?
Hypothermia
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
