my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
