Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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