Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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