My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
