I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize