Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
