Umm I'm too high to move.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
