he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
