I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize