mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
