We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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